I have a tendency to get fixated on things, and I can't really control what it will be.
One month, it might be baking. Another, it's cycling.
One year, I decide to learn HTML. The next, I've forgotten most coding lines because I'm too busy obsessing over calisthenics.
And this month, my brain has decided to hone in on the lottery.
This is a new one for me - sort of.
I've stayed away from every form of gambling my whole life, but I've always seen the allure in it.
I remember how thrilling it was to play poker with some of the other kids in my neighborhood, even though we were only wagering pennies and nickels.
I'd spend hours playing casino video games, even though the stakes were virtual and a win on the slots meant absolutely nothing.
And once in a while, I'd get a scratch ticket in a Christmas card, which was really exciting even though I don't think I ever won anything.
But that was it. I never wagered any serious money. For 40+ years I've been on this Earth, I never picked out numbers for the Lotto 6/49 draw. There were video lottery terminals in a few restaurants in my home town, but I never put in a quarter while waiting for my food. And just the thought of walking into a convenience store and asking for a scratch ticket filled me with a visceral discomfort.
If I had to guess, I'd think a few things held me back.
The big one is money. For most of my life, I've either been behind or breaking even. There were only a few precious months here and there where I was properly ahead, but I'd inevitably slide back into breaking even (if I was lucky). Gambling away a few dollars didn't feel right - not when the baby needed formula or the credit cards were getting so full I'd start looking into what's involved in filing for bankruptcy.
I also have very little exposure to actual wins. Other than the slot machine video games that didn't actually pay out, I never saw anyone win big. The 50-somethings who were obsessively smacking the spin button on the VLTs at the fried chicken joint never struck it big while I was there, and they'd usually walk away with an air of resigned disappointment.
My mom would usually round up purchases with a gamble at the checkout. Scratch tickets were a big too high for that, so she'd buy 25cent and 50cent breakopen tickets with whatever change she got back. The odds on those weren't great, so for the most part, she'd crack them open and toss them out. When she did get a win, it was usually to the tune of one or two bucks - which would go right back to breakopens that would invariably end up getting cracked and tossed.
Plus, I took it to heart that the house always wins. Unless you're betting nickels in a hand of poker against some 12 year old from down the street, the odds are stacked against the players. Anyone playing has a chance to win, but only some of the money we collectively put in flows back to us.
That quiet part of me that got a thrill from renting Vegas Dream for the NES and spending my Saturday spinning through the slot machine, well, it was held back by the more rational part of me. The one that wanted to avoid risk at all cost, the one that tried to cling to money because spending it felt irresponsible, the one that would look at the odds of winning the jackpot and realize it was nothing but a pipe dream - that's the one who took over and made sure I wouldn't become one of the VLT zombies who could waste away fifty bucks before their poutine had been bagged up for takeout.
I'd find other ways to have some fun.
If I had any extra money, it would go toward something responsible, like an index fund.
I was going to play it safe.
But then I started playing bingo.
Improving the Odds
Turns out radio bingo might be a regional thing. Or at least a Canadian one.
Because when I started telling Americans that I was playing it, they were confused by the entire concept.
That caught me off guard, because radio bingo has always been in the background noise of my life.
My grandmother was a bingo fanatic. She'd go to any church basement, golden age club, or Knights of Columbus hall that was hosting a game. Then she'd load up on however many cards she could afford, and I'd watch in awe as she scanned and dabbed a carefully arranged set of 15 cards.
In between those rounds, she got her fix at home. She'd play bingo through local access TV or with the numbers being called out over the radio.
Once I was older and married, my mother-in-law started inviting me and my wife to the weekly radio bingo night at her neighbor's house. We'd each have a set of cards - only 3 in total, not 15 like the real Gs do it - and we'd have supper while working through each round.
Fast forward another decade or so, and I'm living in my home town again, but with four kids now. And one week, my wife and I decided to introduce them to the wonderful (and apparently very Canadian) tradition of radio bingo. I bought a stack of cards from the local Jean Coutu, half a dozen bingo dabbers from the Dollarama, and made sure the emergency weather radio was charged enough to stay on for at least an hour.
We played and we were hooked. It became a weekly tradition, until the kids started getting bored of it. Not all of them have the patience for an hour of quietly listening to the radio DJ name out numbers, so we decided to put a pause on it.
So now we had a bingo budget and no cards to buy. And I started thinking of another way to spend it.
Suddenly, the idea of buying scratch tickets didn't seem so off-putting. It actually seemed kind of fun.
And here's the thing with radio bingo: the odds are horrible. Each booklet of cards will run you $10 and you're playing against hundreds of other listeners for a chance at making a few hundred.
We haven't won a single time since we picked it up this year, and that didn't surprise me in the least.
But scratch tickets - that's a whole other story. You don't get an hour of playtime out of it, granted, but you do get some fun while you scrape a coin across your card. And the odds are much nicer. Not for the top prize, of course. But you've got about a 1 in 4 chance of at least getting your money back on your ticket, which is better than any bingo game can offer.
And for even half the amount I was paying in bingo cards each week, I can get enough scratch tickets to make it a statistical likelihood that I'll get some kind of win.
Which makes all the difference in the world. Because gambling can be enjoyable, but nothing beats winning.
Hyperfixating on the Lotto (With Guard Rails)
Like I said earlier, I tend to get fixated on things.
And right now, it's the lottery.
So, I've been buying the occasional scratch tickets, scoping out all the various games offered by the Atlantic Lottery Corporation, and reading up on the tax implications of lottery winnings (there are none in Canada, as it turns out), learning how each game is played, and analyzing the odds.
But the thing is, I still haven't managed to get ahead in life. I'm hovering somewhere between falling behind and breaking even.
Which is a pain in the ass when I'm hyperfixated on something so closely related to money, because it limits how much I can indulge.
So for now, I'm taking a modest approach. I'll set a weekly budget to keep myself from going overboard, make sure I cash out some of any half-decent winnings so I don't just gamble them away as soon as they hit my pocket, and I'll keep spending more time thinking about the lotto than actually playing it.
And I'll document the obsession as I go. I'll write about my musings on the lottery. I'll probably do small experiments with scratch tickets or try out different online gambling strategies, then report back on the results. Or whatever else comes to mind.
I've been feeling lucky lately. I'm about to find out if I really am.
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